The real problem is single-mindedness

from http://foreignpolicy.com/2015/01/09/religion-is-not-the-enemy-rushdie-charlie-hebdo/

"The real problem isn’t religion. It’s a deeper psychological failure that afflicts humans of all varieties, religious and not. It’s called “fanaticism” — that eerie quality of single-mindedness that can lead even the intelligent and the educated to believe that the views they hold excuse any form of savagery. Yes, many of these people gravitate to absolutist versions of religion — but history shows they’re equally attracted to secular forms of political extremism." 

It's like everywhere I look is another example of the damage that comes from black and white thinking. I have found myself trying to communicate this idea with anything and everything that comes up lately as I parent and it feels so healthy. The other day Sophia asked me, "Which is more important: brushing teeth or brushing hair?" I responded that it seems to me they're both important in different ways, and then asked her to brainstorm all the ways each was more important or less important depending on different variables I would bring up.

Does that sound silly? Because it feels awesome.

When she screams, "You love Joan more than me!", I don't say, "Of course I love you as much as Joan, don't be ridiculous." I wait until it's a good time and then I bring up her comment and elicit discussions about how there are lots of different kinds of love and how sometimes we feel loved and sometimes we don't and how some people struggle to love in certain ways while being awesome at loving in other ways. I tell her that I know that there are ways that I fail at love and that I am sorry for the pain it brings to her heart, and that I will never stop trying to learn to love her better and better.

If as children they get used to the feeling that there are no easy answers in life then I'll have offered them the foundation for finding love and peace when they're out their on their own.

At least I think so.

So far the effort is provoking lots of long, in-depth, thought-provoking conversations where we really have to listen to each other. And I'm going to call that good.