"Just say no" lied

Recovery of brain dopamine transporters in methamphetamine (METH) abuser after protracted abstinence. With treatment that keeps abusers off METH, drug-altered brains can recover at least some of their former functioning, as these images illustrate. Using positron emission tomography, we can measure the level of dopamine transporters (DAT) in the striatal region of the brain as an indicator of dopamine system function. The METH abuser (center) shows greatly reduced levels of DAT (yellow and green), which return to nearly normal following prolonged abstinence (red and yellow). Source: Volkow, N.D., et al. 2001.Journal of Neuroscience 21:9414–18. 

Recovery is possible

It is not enough to “just say no”—as the 1980s slogan suggested. Instead, you can protect (and heal) yourself from addiction by saying “yes” to other things. Cultivate diverse interests that provide meaning to your life. Understand that your problems usually are transient, and perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that life is not always supposed to be pleasurable."

- http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain.htm

Sometimes addiction sounds so tempting. Creating a life around just pleasure? Not having to keep putting one foot in front of the other through the pain when there's only one healthy way through it, and word on the street is that it doesn't include numbing?

The other day at the grocery store I stood in front of these carts and imagined feeling better, just like that.

I stood there and texted this photo to a good friend who drinks, along with the caption, "You know how I love me a good deal!!!"

And then I told her that I was done with feeling and wanted to take up drinking instead. I asked her to tell me in one sentence why she drinks. She wrote back, "Because it makes me feel like a grown up." And then awhile later this text came, "My suggestion: Just don't go there at all. It's really not all it's cracked up to be."

To numb, or not to numb? Is it really a choice that is so black and white? Can't I choose to numb, just a little, and still find health? Honestly, it is still a question that eats at me. But as I walked around that store and put bread and eggs and milk and silly strawberry toothpaste into my cart I repeated over and over in my head,

Fuck you, Addiction. I choose my kids.
Fuck you, Addiction. I choose my kids.