Started collecting these *long* before I had babies :)

My very-pregnant first-time mother friend asked me to send her my collection of thoughts on pregnancy and birth, and reading them made me tear up. I freakin' loved birth! Feeling such a mixture of grief and gratitude about never being pregnant or giving birth again. My feelings about motherhood are, like everything worthwhile, so paradoxical. Feeling pretty damn good about that.

Sharing here too:  

In The Women's Room, Marilyn French describes pregnancy as, "a long waiting in which you learn what it means to lose control over your life." 

Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment. - I Ching


"There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don't ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it." Sheryl Feldman


"During this pregnancy I had been reading Ina May Gaskin's book Spiritual Midwifery and remembered a passage in which a boy asked his pregnant mother, "Is it going to hurt?" She replied, "No, Abraham, it's going to be strong." - Joy Rose-Larsen

"The moments in my life when the veil between heaven and earth has been the most thin have been during childbirth."
- Debbie Wallace (my terrible paraphrase from memory)

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. -Irma Bombeck

300,000 women will be giving birth with you today. Relax and breathe and do nothing else. Labor is hard work, it hurts and you can do it. - Unknown 

Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart. - Lois Wilson

Birth is an experience that demonstrates that life is not merely function and utility, but form and beauty.- Christopher Largen
"Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy." Alma 36:21, Book of Mormon


"If you lay down, the baby will never come out." -Native American Saying

From an interview with Ina May Gaskin:

We’re so affected by prudery and corporate media that you don’t get to see the reality of birth on television unless you go to YouTube. I’d say type in “The Dramatic Struggle for Life.” There, you’ll see an elephant give birth. Her baby doesn’t breathe spontaneously and she has to resuscitate the baby. That’s powerful to watch. The second I’d recommend is “Chimp Birth Attica Zoo” and there you see a chimpanzee give birth and labors in a position that nobody would ever guess that anyone would take. But, you watch her expertly give birthwithout any damage to herself with definite calm and perhaps pleasure. You realize when you see these that neither of these mammals are afraid. They’re comfortable with their body and what people will begin to ask is, “What could we learn from this?” They’re not afraid and we’re afraid as a people; we’re terrified of birth. That makes us extremely vulnerable to exploitation. You can make a lot of money off scared women. Birth has been commodified so escaping it is like finding your own wild nature. If you choose to go to a hospital, which I’m not putting down, then I suggest be wild when you’re there and you’ll teach ‘em something!

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful; it's that women are strong." 

-Laura Stavoe Harm 

I feel less short-sighted and self-aggrandizing

I LOVE this post and then this discussion about it from the comments section:

"More sour grapes?

It’s commendable to appreciate the kids one has rather than constantly trying to change them into the kids one wanted, but it’s ridiculous to keep going off on the things one’s kids don’t do as if they’re useless.

Reading is a great way to learn. Perhaps it’s a great way to learn for only a minority of the population, but that doesn’t matter unless your job is teaching large groups of certain demographics. Each one of us is in a minority somehow.

My ability to learn through reading was fundamental to my success. Perhaps I would have had other core skills were I a different person, but reading has served me well. I went from a series of terrible rural schools to a PhD and a six figure salary, which wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t like to read and learn from reading.

Most people whose kids like to read (my boy just found Harry Potter, which ought to take care of him for a while) feel happy about it because we know that reading is the easiest way to gain vocabulary and learn grammar, which will be relevant in testing, college, and the professions. I know that standard middle-class track gets pooh-poohed here a lot, but most of us wouldn’t be here without it, and most of our kids will follow it to some extent.

In our specific case, my son hopes to test into a local exam school. Liking to read will be sufficient on its own to get an acceptable score on the reading sections. If he didn’t like to read (and learn by reading), he’d need intensive tutoring to be able to pass the test. Later on, if he still wants to go to college for mechanical engineering, he’ll have to be able to read and write well to get in. This won’t happen without reading; even if the only learning resulting from reading were just the form of language itself, that would be sufficiently important.

It’s fair game to ridicule the “excellent sheep” of Mr. Deresiewicz’ epic rant, but the truth is that if you want to work in the professions, you have to read just to get there, let alone succeed. Just because you don’t want that path for your children, or they’re not inclined to succeed on it, doesn’t mean it’s useless for everybody else.

When I feel sad at the idea that my son will no longer be at home with me, one of the things I realize I’ll miss is reading with him. I would have liked to host a great books course for older kids. Perhaps I’ll find a way to do that anyway.

Posted by Bostonian on August 3, 2015 at 4:48 am | permalink | Reply

You misunderstand the point of the post.

I am not saying whether or not readers should read. This post is not about readers. This post is about non-readers and how we tell them they should read.

The post is also about how dull it becomes to extol the glories of reading when less than half the human race likes to do it. And when it has been more natural throughout the evolution of humans to learn by doing.

There is a whole half of humanity that is very smart but does not like to read. They learn just fine and they learn many things you cannot learn in a book.

I wrote the post because I did not know about this until I had a son who doesn’t like to read. I never even really understood that there were smart people who don’t read.

And it’s a problem that school has no way to teach by doing or copying, so school overemphasizes reading and then people who like to read think that somehow they are smarter or better for liking to read.

I know, because I was raised to be one of those people. And I think it’s short-sighted and self-aggrandizing.

Penelope

Posted by Penelope Trunk on August 4, 2015 at 11:21 am | permalink | Reply

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  The points you make in your reply are good, and would have been a good addition to your original post.

  I remember when I was a kid there seemed to be more of a place in school for learning that didn’t require reading. Shop class, for example. And we used to have more of an apprenticeship system in this country (as they still do in Germany). I’d like to see that brought back.

  It’s quite clear to me, for example, that I am a mediocre mechanic and carpenter. The simplest things (changing a battery, or making a shelf) are inordinate challenges to me. Other people have greater skills in non-verbal learning and coordination that make them better at this sort of thing. I am astounded by the work of the fellow I hired to fix the siding and sills on my bays. I honestly could never make those joints, and it’s a good thing I figured that out as a teenager.

  I agree with you that our schools focus too narrowly on a certain set of skills and systems of learning, and it is not very kind of those of us who are very good at such sets and systems to ignore that problem. Having children who learn best through non-verbal means and who don’t like to read is yet another good reason to homeschool.

  My initial response, however, was to what you wrote in the post. It’s not based on a misunderstanding but a misstatement. If you wouldn’t like someone to react negatively to you saying that reading is no way to learn, you oughtn’t say “In short, reading is no way to learn.” That continues to be untrue; reading is a great way to learn, though perhaps not for everybody. Hyperbole does clarity a disservice.

  Posted by Bostonian on August 5, 2015 at 4:14 am
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